


One test too many

by sarcasmismyweapon



Series: A pair they make [11]
Category: Naruto
Genre: A pair they make fic, ANBU - Freeform, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Umino Iruka, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Funny, Gen, Ibiki is a jerk, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jounin Umino Iruka, M/M, One Shot, Sarcasm, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Tests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 23:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20161759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasmismyweapon/pseuds/sarcasmismyweapon
Summary: Iruka has to deal with the fallout of the test Ibiki had Kakashi help him with, his reaction to said fallout could have gone better than this. Breaking the nose of the leader of T&I is sure to have consequences.A pair they make fic-Please read those first or be utterly confused.





	One test too many

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is a long time coming...I've taken a break from this series for a while. Got a serious case of burn out on it, still have a few more works before the series is complete but I'm going to be working on finishing those up soon. I'm at a place that once the remaining fics are done, the series will be complete as I intended them to be. So there is more work ahead, but not much. I hope you all enjoy this, it was a special treat as I'm posting it on my birthday XD.

A pair they make one-shot.

  
  


“I have to do paperwork.” Kakashi sighed forlornly.

Iruka rolled his eyes from where he was reading a scroll, it wasn’t intense, assassination details like the one last week but it was still fairly important hence why he wasn’t letting Kakashi get away with distracting him. “Just do it, it never takes you long when you actually do it correctly the first time around.” Iruka chided him even as he made notes on what he was reading. Iruka heard another dramatic sigh but refused to give in and look up, he nodded to himself when he double-checked the phrase.

“What’s it about?”

“Hmm?”

“The scroll, what’s it about?”

Iruka sighed, finally giving in and looking up he gave his lover a dower look. “I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work, the scroll is about imports that are illegally crossing borders.”

Kakashi nodded his head as if he was truly interested, they both knew he wasn’t. “Interesting.” Lie.

Iruka shook his head, returning to his work.

“You’re going to be boring and responsible today aren’t you?”

Iruka gave a small bark of laughter, glancing back up at the pouting face of Kakashi. “Seriously? I’m not boring I’m doing my work.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes and gave a careless wave of his hand towards the scroll that Iruka was reading. “Please, all of that could be done while you’re at work. You’re not required to take it home with you.” He sent a sharp look at Iruka. “I don’t care what Ibiki tells you.”

Iruka bit his tongue, he hated it when Kakashi cut him off when he was just about to make a valid remark. Especially when it concerned Ibiki, he still tended to shy out of the man’s way after having dealt with his penchant for pain responses. 

“I just want to finish this.” Iruka placated Kakashi. “When I’m done with this, I’ll be done for the next two days.”

Kakashi’s eyes lit up at the sudden change of pace. “You’re serious?”

Iruka smiled and gave a nod, he hadn’t wanted to tell the man just yet but if it meant that he could finish this work to actually enjoy those two days off then he would. “Yep. I did some cataloging for a colleague so they’re covering for me.”

Kakashi was up and out of his seat so fast that Iruka had to blink numerous times to catch up with him. “Kakashi?”

The Anbu nodded, pointing at him. “You work on that, don’t stop until you’re done-”

“I wasn’t going to,” Iruka muttered despite Kakashi ignoring him to continue his own speech.

“When you’re done we can go do something actually productive.”

Iruka snorted. “And that entails?” He nodded his head when he saw Kakashi shrug, right, the man didn’t have a plan. “Alright, well I’m going to get back to work then...What are you going to do? Paperwo-” Iruka sighed when Kakashi laughed, yeah, he’d stepped into that one.

“I’m gonna go bother Asuma, that way I’ll be out of your hair until you’re done.”

“And in his?” Iruka countered with a smirk.

Kakashi smiled devilishly at him. “Mah, you say that like it’s a bad thing. He loves me.”

Iruka snorted and didn’t bother to bring up the many-many times that Asuma had cursed Kakashi’s name. “Sure. Fine, how about I head over there when I’m done that way we’ll make sure you don’t come back before I’m actually done.” Iruka smiled knowingly.

“I’m hurt.”

“Go.” Iruka laughed.

Nodding, Kakashi gave a small wave and disappeared. Iruka shook his head at the man’s antics, he really should have known better. There was no way that the man could have possibly sat still long enough for Iruka to finish his paperwork or heaven forbid do his own. Iruka hummed as he returned to his work, he was rather looking forward to the next two days off. Only a small bit of work left to go.

********

Iruka must have lost track of time because when he reached for his cup of tea he found it gone, the cup long since cold. Frowning at the empty cup and what it meant, he’d been working for hours, and he was out of tea. Sighing, Iruka set aside his work and rose to go and fetch a fresh cup, he was nearly done. Then again, he’d been saying that for the last however many hours, Kakashi was right, he had a problem. 

Shaking his head and scrubbing a hand down his face to try and wake himself up after such a long time staring at the same thing for an extended period of time Iruka relished the smell of fresh tea being made. He tapped the teabag with a spoon, watching the ink swirls of spices mix with the steaming water. Iruka froze, his spoon stilling in the ripples of half-made tea. Letting the spoon slide into the bottom of the cup with a small clink, Iruka twisted about.

“He’s not here.”

“I’m aware.” The masked figure stated. “I’m not here for him.”

Iruka sighed. “I just made tea.”

The Anbu tilted his head as if to say ‘and?’ Iruka nodded. “Alright, alright...Let me grab the scroll, I’m nea-”

“It’s not about that either.”

Iruka blinked a few times, frowned and then asked. “What’s it about then?”

The Anbu shook his head, great, that was helpful. Nodding, Iruka reached over and shut off the range, putting the kettle off to the side to make sure nothing made a mess before turning towards the Anbu. “His office?”

The Anbu stepped forward, startling Iruka into pressing himself back into the counter. Iruka scowled, his hand tightening into a fist not that it seemed to bother the Anbu. The masked man did pause a moment and then took a more gentle approach of holding out his hand instead of reaching for the Jounin himself.

Iruka swallowed tightly. “Not his office then.”

The man chuckled. “Let’s go.”

Nodding Iruka tentatively reached out and took the man’s hand, he closed his eyes and tried to remain calm. Going to some mystery place with an Anbu who wasn’t his lover or his lover's teammates, to see Ibiki, alone without any of those previous people aware...It made him nervous. More than nervous, Iruka was bordering on scared.

********

“So you actually left him to do work.” Genma frowned skeptically before looking towards Raidou. “Are we sure he hasn’t been poisoned, I have my kit-”

“Bite me.” Kakashi glared at his snarky teammate before proudly stating. “He gets the next two days off.” The chorus of ‘AH’s’ had Kakashi rolling his eyes. “Like none of you have had a day off.”

They laughed.

“Alright, that was in poor taste...Hospital stays do not count.” Kakashi retracted his previous statement. “The point is, Iruka gets two days off and it’s already been approved.”

“So what you’re really saying is no Ibiki.” Raidou murmured with a smirk.

Kakashi pointed at his teammate. “Yes, that!”

The group smirked at Kakashi’s exuberance, it was well known that although Iruka worked for T&I now and although he was logically aware that Ibiki wouldn’t hurt him...Old memories didn’t fade that fast, forgiveness least of all when the person who tortured you wasn’t all that sorry. 

Iruka did pretty well all things considered and when he was having a less than stellar day he would just ask Kakashi to let him have Mayonaka for a day or two, despite having his own summons. No one brought up the fact that his summons had been blacklisted after the last incident with them, Sabre’s weren’t the most forgiving of creatures and they took their job of protecting Iruka very seriously. The fact that everyone at T&I had come to know Mayonaka just made things easier and Kakashi was never one to say no to Iruka.

“Alright alright, so what’s your plan for these two glorious days off?” Asuma asked wryly around a cigarette, it wasn’t lit yet, but the man was holding a lighter waiting for an answer.

Kakashi shrugged.

His team groaned, for all his excitement of Iruka having extended time off from T&I, he didn’t think things through all the time.

Kurenai sighed, sometimes she wondered how Iruka could deal with Kakashi, then again all the rest of Anbu corps asked the same of all of them. She smiled tightly at Kakashi. “Think of something alright? Lounging around in your apartment isn’t really the highlight of a day off.”

Kakashi snorted, waving a hand at her. “Of course not...I’ll think of something.”

“Or make Iruka do it.”

Kakashi glared at Genma, the man smirked around a senbon as if he hadn’t just been caught belittling the man. 

“Did Iruka say how long it might take to finish that scroll?”

“No...He said he was nearly done.” They stared back at him blandly, Kakashi twisted to look at the clock when he followed their own shifting gazes. He’d been with them for nearly three hours. “I think I was lied to.”

The wry noises his team made drove the point home.

********

Iruka wasn’t entirely sure where they were, though he figured that it was somewhere secluded enough that no one was going to know that he was there. Ibiki was the type to make it known that whoever was seeing him had no choice but to see him. Iruka silently hoped that they were just in some dark corner of the T&I office, that at least would have made him a sliver more comfortable than he was now. 

The Anbu had brought him, giving him a nod and then poof he was gone as well. Iruka sighed as he was forced to wait for Ibiki. Another thing Iruka knew that the man enjoyed doing, making people wait and fret about his arrival. Iruka stood by his assessment of the man, he was an asshole. No sooner than had these thoughts broached his mind than did the single door to the room open and none other than Ibiki himself arrived.

“Iruka.”

Iruka smiled tightly. “Ibiki. Why did you send an Anbu to my apartment?”

The man gave him a bland stare. “To retrieve you.” As if that wasn’t obvious.

Iruka grit his teeth. “Why?”

The man smirked, the twisted nature of his scars pulling in a visually disturbing manner, not that Iruka thought he could get any scarier than he was already. The Jounin really hoped that he wasn’t proven wrong.

“I finished the paperwork...That’s why you’re here.”

“Paperwork? What paperwork?” Iruka had no idea what the man was rambling about, Iruka hadn’t turned in anything that might require any paperwork.

“The paperwork that had to do with your little pre-exam.”

Iruka scowled. “Exam?”

The man hummed as he stepped forward, encroaching on Iruka’s space enough to see the man taking a step back. Iruka knew this game and although he hated playing it, he wasn’t about to let the man any closer to him than he had to. “What are you talking about?” Iruka growled through a clenched jaw.

“The other day...Well, week.” The man retorted mildly. “When you got in a tizzy about Kakashi’s involvement-”

“You had him drug me.” Iruka seethed. “You had him drug me and Genjitsu me.”

Ibiki stood silently, waiting for the other man to get it out. The Jounin didn’t say anymore, standing stalk still and seething given his facial expression. “It was a pre-exam. One that you’ll no doubt be happy to know that Kakashi was against.”

Iruka snorted, that at least he knew was true. The man had come clean after just two nights on the couch, explaining in great detail that he hadn’t wished to participate but had chosen to do so simply to make sure that Iruka was actually alright when it was done. Iruka made him sleep another night on the couch after that. 

“So you had me take a little exam, this isn’t new.” Iruka spat. “You do this to everyone.” Because Iruka sadly knew this, Kakashi had complained about it at length when they finally sat down to talk about things. He said it was Ibiki’s way of making sure that he could trust people, that they were loyal and able to hold secrets. Iruka hadn’t quite believed Kakashi about that, even if he did hate Ibiki he didn’t think the man could go that far. Turns out that after asking half the office staff, he was. That was probably why Iruka wasn’t so concerned with whatever results the man got from his little test.

“I do.” Ibiki agreed with the man’s previous statement. “Some are harder than others, depends on the subject matter and the purpose of the exam.”

“Loyalty.” Iruka glared. 

Ibiki smiled as he folded his arms over his chest as he looked on in an amused fashion at the sore topic being brought up, he quickly put it to bed. “Of that I never questioned, you’re far too simple for betraying the village.”

“Thanks.” Iruka bit out sharply.

“No, I was doing something a bit harder than that Iruka, satiating a...Question I had.”

That didn’t sound good, shaking his head Iruka waved a broad hand in the air. “And?”

“As I said, I finished the paperwork and once it’s gone through the proper channels we’ll set up a means for training.”

Iruka blinked a few times, training? “Wait...Training, training for what?”

“Anbu.”

Iruka sucked in a tight breath, his lungs aching from the harshness of it but still, Iruka didn’t stutter. The air was held onto far too long but when he released it in one fell swoop Iruka found himself feeling a tad faint. “A-Anbu?”

Ibiki grinned, a feral thing as if he was getting everything he could have wanted. “You’ll go far, what with your skills, abilities, and history.”

Iruka glared, that was a sore point and even Ibiki wasn’t stupid enough to bring that up without good cause. Turns out that cause was to recruit him into Anbu. “No.”

Ibiki raised a brow. “No?”

Iruka squared his shoulders and shook his head again. “No, I’m not taking any test, I’m not trying for Anbu. I don’t even want to.” Iruka muttered crossly at the man.

Ibiki let out a sharp bark of laughter, something that startled the Jounin who was watching him with wary eyes. “You don’t want to?” He huffed in amusement. “I never said it was up to you. I did the paperwork and with the results of your test I’d say that you’ll be training in a few weeks once I can find a good trainer.” 

Iruka scowled. “Ibiki.” He bit out the man’s name. “I’m not taking any test, I’m not going to be Anbu.”

The man sighed, going along with the struggling man. “And why not?” It was said in a bored tone as if there was nothing that Iruka could possibly say to warrant the need for his attention.

“Because I don’t want it.”

“You’re village might very well need it.”

Iruka snorted this time, gaining a glower from the man. “My village has my aid at any time they need me, that doesn’t require me to don a mask.”

“This is different.” Ibiki scowled.

Iruka shrugged, it definitely didn't seem different, not that Ibiki was the type to reveal his motivations. “I don’t see how it is, I’m an active shinobi and I take missions regularly all while doing translations for you and your Anbu. What possible use could you have for me to be Anbu on top of all of that?” Iruka huffed with an irritated look.

“You wouldn’t do translating work,” Ibiki replied shrewdly. “You’d be Anbu, missions take precedence.”

Iruka rolled his eyes at the distinction, cause that mattered. “Great, I don’t really care the logistics of it, I’m still not interested.” The Jounin took a hasty step backward until his back suddenly became flush with the cold wall behind him. Shit.

Ibiki growled as it got into the man's space, poking Iruka in the chest. “You will do this test, you will pass and then-If I’m feeling generous I’ll pair you with the little squad that you practically live with anyway.”

Iruka glared. “I only live with Kakashi.” Wow, sarcasm is a bad tool at this point, but his brain was obviously stressed given how he was breathing. Fuck breathing. Iruka swallowed tightly, trying overly hard not to react to Ibiki’s presence. “I’m not taking that test.” His eyes held firm even if his body felt about ready to collapse.

“I didn’t ask what you wanted, it’s my decision. You should be proud of this.” He seethed. “With your abilities and a strong team you could be better than anyone, better than Kakashi even.”

Iruka’s eyes tightened at the 'pride' in the man's voice, as if Iruka's accomplishments, possible achievements he could garner from his training under Orochimaru were a good thing. “No.”

“It’ll be just like trying for Jounin, you’ll fall into the rank with ease.”

“I nearly died gaining Jounin.” Iruka spat back in the man’s face.

Ibiki’s face tightened as the man pointed out the flaw in his attempt to reason with him. “You don’t have any regrets now.”

Iruka rolled his eyes before shoving the man back a ways, glad that Ibiki didn’t fight him on it and actually took a step back. “Kinda hard to regret something when you’re either going to live or die. I didn’t know what was going on at the time Ibiki, and looking back I probably would have kicked up more of a fuss if I knew the shit that was going to go down.” Iruka held the man’s gaze even as he added. “Especially if I knew I’d have to deal wi-”

“Watch it.” The man’s tone was cold and cut off Iruka’s own words before the man could say something to truly irritate Ibiki.

Iruka snorted. “I’m not taking that test, I’m not going to be an Anbu for you.”

“For me?” Ibiki smirked as he latched onto that. “This is for your village, hell, when you get down to it even Kakashi. He wouldn’t have to worry all that much about you if you were Anbu, you’d probably even take missions together at times. Kakashi woul-”

Iruka was seething, not only because Ibiki wouldn’t just stop, but because he refused to acknowledge what Iruka wanted. Why Iruka wanted it, and finally, bringing Kakashi into this scenario. Ibiki didn’t know Kakashi, he knew him professionally, but not personally. There was no way that Kakashi would go for this, that he’d want Iruka to take this test to become Anbu. Kakashi wouldn’t do this to him, only someone like Ibiki would. 

That was probably why his brain decided that it was just done, too many emotions, too many stressors, just too much. Iruka couldn’t even stop himself, hadn’t really realized what he was doing until it was done. Ibiki stumbled back a step or two, his hand coming up in an instant to clutch at his now broken nose as blood came between his fingers to drip down his arm and further down onto the floor.

Iruka didn’t even react to the horror of what he’d just done, far too caught up in his own emotions. He glared, pointing a sharp bloody finger at the man. “You don’t know shit Ibiki! Kakashi would never pressure me into any of this, he wouldn’t want me to do this unless I wanted to. I don’t want to and I guarantee you that even if I did want to it wouldn’t be because of you or that fucking test.” The Jounin spat. “I’m not taking that test Ibiki, I’m not going to become Anbu! ‘ _ You can go eat a necrotic sea slug asshole _ .’” Iruka didn’t even wait to hear any kind of rebuttal from the man as there didn’t appear to be any kind of wards to prevent him from transporting himself away. Iruka glared in a deadly manner as he gave a final warning to the man who was glaring back at him from behind his blood-soaked hand that clutched his face. “Test me again and I’ll really show you how well he trained me.”

Iruka disappeared once he’d given the final warning to the interrogations officer.

Ibiki scowled at the area that Iruka had just occupied, he snorted wetly throwing his arm down and shaking off blood. Even more, continued to trail down over his lips and down his chin. The sensation was irritating but not nearly as much as Iruka’s refusal and subsequent threat.

*********

Iruka leaned over his own knees, his hands bracing himself on his thighs as he panted. Oh. Dear. God. “What did I just do?” Iruka’s eyes widened as he stared down at the pavement below his feet. His hands were pressed tightly into his pants, blood-covered one of his hands from the sharp upward thrust that had cracked the interrogation officers nose. It was staining his pants and unbeknownst to the Jounin, part of his chest and face not that he had any mind to care about such things. He’d just broken Ibiki’s nose, broken the head of T&I’s nose. Shouted at him, swore at him...Oh god. 

“I need Kakashi.” That was all his frantic little brain could come up with, not because he needed Kakashi to protect him from Ibiki, though that thought did exist. But also because he had no idea to cope with what he’d just done and Kakashi was the stability that he’d come to rely on when faced with the unknown. 

Iruka forced himself to straighten out, taking a few ‘calming’ breaths that did nothing to help him, Iruka shook his head. “Kakashi...His team.” Iruka rasped, right he went to hang out at Kurenai’s because of Iruka working. Not even a second elapsed before the Jounin was transporting himself directly into the center of his friends living room. He was far too freaked out to worry about manners such as knocking on a door, he’d just cold-cocked Ibiki!

********

Kakashi smirked as he listened to Raidou correct Genma’s attempts to explain his last mission when he was loaned out to another team, it was quite clear that even though Raidou hadn’t been there he knew just how Genma would have reacted to the shit he was saying. Namely, Genma wasn’t as cool as he thought he was. 

A glance towards Asuma found the smoking nin to be shaking his head even as Kurenai his her smile behind a teacup, glancing back at the pair just as Raidou started to get ‘mean’ or so Genma said Kakashi and the others were jerked to awareness when Iruka suddenly appeared, crashing into part of the coffee table and falling to his knees.

“SHIT!” Genma jerked his leg back to avoid the Jounin landing on him in his hasty entrance. When Iruka fell, Genma wasn’t the only one to reach out to see if the man was alright. Then again, they all froze initially when they saw blood.

“Iruka!” Kakashi was on his knees in an instant, not comprehending how translating a scroll in their living room could surmount to his lover arriving with blood on him. Injured. Iruka was pale as he looked up, blood loss. His vest had blood on it and when Kakashi tried to get it off of him, Iruka’s hands came up to still his wrists. Kakashi shook his head as the man weakly struggled to stop him. “Let me ge-”

“I punched Ibiki.”

Kakashi froze, his fingers stilling on the man’s zipper. Meeting Iruka’s gaze he muttered dumbly. “What?”

“I punched Ibiki.” Iruka parroted.

“When you say punched...” Genma waved a hand at the blood on the man. “Did you murder him or is this-What? Don’t scowl at me, look at him.” Genma spat at Kakashi when the man rounded on him.

Iruka swallowed. “I definitely broke his nose.”

Genma nodded. “Ah.” The nin nodded again as he kicked his feet back up on the coffee table. “Explains the blood.”

Iruka stared back at the poison expert a moment, his chin was grasped gently until he was forced to look back at Kakashi. The man was frowning, concerned. “Iruka, what happened? Why did you break Ibiki’s nose?”

Iruka swallowed tightly, his throat hurt for some reason...It was dry, his voice felt used despite having only shouted a little. “I-He-” Iruka trailed off, unsure how to go about explaining this.

Sighing, Kakashi helped Iruka up off the floor, it took a bit of work as Iruka didn’t seem all that eager on the helping scale of things. Kakashi didn’t begrudge the man that, he had just broken his boss’ nose. Pulling Iruka towards his chair, he settled Iruka there and knelt down to be in front of him. “What happened?”

“It was a test.”

Kakashi frowned. “What was?”

“He didn’t ask you to break his nose did he?” Genma questioned from across the room, elbowing Raidou when the man tried to stop him from talking. “Cause that’s fucked up and I could see him doing that, what Rai you know he would.”

Iruka swallowed and shook his head, no it hadn’t been that kind of test. “I-I broke his nose.”

Kakashi sighed, giving a soft smile. “I know, you’ve told us a few times now, want to explain why?”

“He...The test.” Iruka didn’t seem phased by the round of sighs that were elicited from his constant repetitions of what had happened, rather continuing with his train of thought. “It wasn’t like the others.”

“Others?” Kakashi scowled as his mind latched onto something, Iruka had been taken to see Ibiki, alone. “Wait, did he test you again?” He was prepared and more than willing to rip that man a new one if he’d abducted Iruka only to test him while Kakashi was away. Reaching out he cupped Iruka’s cheek, his thumb trying to wipe away some of the interrogation officer’s blood from the man. “What did he do Iruka?” Kakashi needed all the details so he’d know just what to do to the man.

“It was all a test.” Iruka frowned, clenching his eyes shut before uttering. “You didn’t know did you?”

Kakashi stilled, oh he was going to kill Ibiki if he used him against Iruka. “Know what?” He dreaded the answer but he needed to know.

“Kakashi, may-”

Kakashi held out a hand to Asuma. “No, I want to hear this.” He smiled back at Iruka, nodding his head to encourage his lover to tell him what happened.

Iruka had opened his eyes when he heard Kakashi arguing with Asuma, canting his head to the side to see the smoking nin staring back at him in concern. Kakashi drew him back towards himself and with a heavy sigh, Iruka muttered. “He didn’t tell you what the test was for.”

Kakashi snorted. “It was just his normal bullshit Iruka...But what did he say? Cause chances are he was just screwing with you ab-”

“Anbu.”

Kakashi stilled at once when he heard the title. “Huh?”

Iruka met his eyes a moment before steadfastly looking away, he caught Raidou’s gaze and smiled when he saw how the man was literally holding Genma against himself a hand over the man’s mouth. Genma was glaring up at Raidou not that his lover seemed to care.

“Iruka.”

Looking back at Kakashi, Iruka nodded. “It wasn’t just some stupid test, he wanted to see...See if I had what it took at least to try another test.”

Kakashi glowered. “Another one?”

Iruka held his eyes captive as he uttered. “An Anbu one.” The inflection in his voice was just as clear as the words were and Iruka nodded when he saw Kakashi’s eye widen.

“Please do not tell me what I think you’re telling me.”

Iruka licked his lips a moment. “I broke his nose.”

Kakashi sighed. “Because he offered you the chance to take the test or-”

“He didn’t offer.” Iruka pulled back, away from Kakashi’s reach as he wrapped his arms around himself in the mirror image of a hug. Kakashi was scowling at him, but the Jounin knew it wasn’t really directed at him. “He said I would...He didn’t really offer and-And when I said no he...Well, he wouldn’t stop.” Iruka put his head in his hands. “And then I broke his nose and cursed at him in a wave dialect that I know he doesn’t understand.”

Kakashi was scowling at first, already prepared to go and make sure that Iruka had done a fine job on breaking the man’s nose when he was forced to smile at Iruka’s explanation of what went on afterward. Chuckling, Kakashi drew the man forward against him. “You cursed at him in another language?” He felt Iruka nod against him, sighing the Anbu replied. “Did he accept your resignation of being offered to take the test?” Kakashi grunted when Iruka punched him in the chest before pulling back with a scowl.

“I broke his nose!”

Kakashi shrugged only to thank the gods when Raidou chimed in and saved him the wrath of his frantic lover. “Iruka, Ibiki’s not going to bat an eye at you breaking his nose. Anbu are rough, I know of five other nin who have done far worse to him than that.”

Genma nodded along as he finally got his lovers hand off of his mouth in order to contribute to the conversation. “He’s right...Though he might be sore about the cursing in another language, he hates being ill-informed.” The man crowed in delight.

Iruka groaned, allowing his head to fall back into his hands. 

The others gave concerned looks towards their friend, Kakashi waved them off as he laid a hand on the back of Iruka’s neck and rubbed it. “Come on, let’s head home...We’ll deal with Ibiki later.”

“I broke his nose.”

Kakashi shook his head in amusement as the poor man continued to repeat what he’d said again, he gave a wave to his friends prepared to take Iruka home.

“If we see Ibiki, we’ll let him know that whatever you said was colorful. OW Raidou!”

Kakashi huffed and with a final look to Asuma, the man gave a nod, Kakashi took him and Iruka home.

**********

Kakashi pulled Iruka along, knowing that it would be best if they could just curl up together and wait out the Jounin’s mental breakdown. Kakashi would be able to reason with him once he was done freaking out about breaking the interrogation officer’s nose. Iruka followed him blindly as Kakashi pulled on his wrist, a clear indication with how lost in thought he really was. Iruka was never this complacent, not without a distinct lack of sleep or some kind of injury. 

Sighing, Kakashi drew the man into their bedroom and gently sat him down on the bed. Kakashi removed his sandals and then Iruka’s, they could sweep the floor later from where they had no doubt tracked stuff in on them. Pulling Iruka to lay back on the beds surface with him, Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka and allowed the Jounin to bury his head into him. 

“It’ll be okay.” Kakashi soothed.

“I broke his nose.”

The Anbu smiled but didn’t comment on the continued repetition of what the man had done. Cradling Iruka to himself, Kakashi settled for humming anytime he heard Iruka repeat something that had already been said. It took a while, far longer than Kakashi might have anticipated for Iruka to calm enough to say something new.

“I’ll die if he figures out what I said.”

Kakashi snorted, one because that wasn’t funny because Ibiki had a penchant for murdering folks, but also because it was funny as he didn’t think that Ibiki would figure out whatever it was Iruka had said. “What’d you call him?”

Iruka shook his head against the man’s collar bone. “I didn’t call him anything...Other than an asshole, but I told him to do something.” The hesitation in his own voice hurt his ears.

Kakashi snickered. “Yeah, did it involve that asshole?” He grunted when he was hit. “What? It seems reasonable doesn’t it?”

Iruka huffed as he wrapped his arms around Kakashi, holding the man tightly as if he was afraid that Kakashi might actually go somewhere. “He’s going to kill me.”

“He’s not going to kill you, I wouldn’t let him do that,” Kakashi remarked coolly. “And Raidou wasn’t wrong, you’re on the tame side compared to what other people have done.”

Iruka snorted. “That doesn’t make me feel any better Kakashi.”

The Anbu hummed. “It should.”

Iruka pulled back just enough to glare at the man. “I just broke Ibiki’s nose.”

“I’ve heard this...Numerous times in fact.”

The jounin scowled. “Well, did you forget to notice that Ibiki’s my boss...Your boss as well?” Iruka attempted to explain in some capacity that might get the Anbu on board with just how bad this was.

Kakashi smirked. “Didn’t forget, hard not too he’s a memorable bastard isn’t he?”

Iruka smiled, though it was a hard thing, a clear indication that Iruka was ‘trying’ to stay upset because it was so much better than dealing with what was really wrong. Kakashi rubbed the man’s arm, trailing his thumb up and down. “I didn’t know that was what he had in store.”

Iruka offered up a consoling look when Kakashi brought up the small bit of information that could implicate him once more. “I figured you might have broken his nose if you knew.”

Kakashi laughed. “Nah, I’d have done a sight better than that.” Drawing Iruka close enough to kiss the man’s forehead. “You don’t have to take that test.”

“I know.” Iruka nodded against him. “I’m not going to...Ibiki should get that now.”

Kakashi snorted. “You broke his nose Iruka, sadly that won’t be enough for Ibiki.” He smiled when Iruka groaned. “Don’t worry, me and my team will talk to him.”

Iruka let out a weary sigh. “When you say talk...What exac-”

“Talk,” Kakashi reassured the man, mostly because Iruka had just called him out and he wasn't about to get into the argument about what kind of force was allowed. “I have a lot of sway you know, so does my team. Ibiki would have a hell of a time finding someone who would deal with this bullshit for him. He seems to forget that not everyone will jump when he tells them too.”

Iruka hummed, that relieved him in some way, knowing that Ibiki had been full of false bravado simply to intimidate him. “I don’t want you getting into trouble.” The ninja admitted softly. “I’m the one who screwed up.”

Rolling his eyes despite Iruka not seeing it, Kakashi muttered. “Did you tell him no?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he continue blathering on about it?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you break his nose because he was being an asshole?” Kakashi smiled, humor lacing his voice.

Iruka huffed at the man’s humor. “Yes.”

“Then I think he should get the hint that you’re not interested, but I’ll make sure our bases are covered and drop a word or two with the Hokage. This isn’t the Jounin exam Iruka, no one is going to make you do this.”

“That’s what I thought about Jounin.” Iruka sourly replied gaining some distance between them in order to have the conversation. “And yet here I am, a Jounin.”

Kakashi made an ‘eh’ face. “Anbu’s a bit different, then again what all happened with you and Jounin rank was...Extraordinary.”

“I’m shocked to hear this.” The man deadpanned.

Laughing Kakashi batted at the man’s arm. “Hush...What I mean was that it’s not just a simple backing someone and then they take it. There’s a shit-ton of paperwork and a trainer has to be already set in place. We’ll beat Ibiki to the pu-.”

“Paperwork is done.”

Kakashi’s mouth shut with a small clack, he frowned and then muttered. “No way that bastard filled all that stuff out by himself.”

Iruka smiled at the man’s complaint. “I don’t care how he did it, I just don’t want to take that test. I’m fine where I am, I’m happy like this.” Iruka promised Kakashi as if he had to prove this.

The man smiled back at him, leaning forward to kiss him. “I know and if this is what you want then you’ll stay this way. If you want to try somewhere down the line we’ll worry about it then, frankly I think it just shows how smart you are to avoid this all.”

Iruka gave a small jolt of laughter. “Avoid? I live with you and spend nearly all my spare time with a group of Anbu.”

Kakashi pouted. “Mean.”

Iruka smiled, not repulsed by the man’s attempts to gain sympathy from him. “I’ve got plenty of Anbu right here, I don’t need to take up a mask of my own.”

Kakashi gave a pleased smile upon hearing Iruka's reasoning, he knew the man wasn't interested in Anbu for more than just that, but they need not bring it up. “True...And if you ever got the itch to try, it’s right over there.” Kakashi pointed over the man’s shoulder towards the place where all his Anbu gear was stored when not in use.

Iruka laughed, slapping the man’s chest. “I am not putting on your mask.”

Kakashi shrugged. “Not in public, but here should be fine.” He teased. “Wouldn’t want to get Ibiki’s hopes up.”

Iruka groaned. “I-I still can’t believe I did that.” The shock lacing the man’s voice even now had Kakashi smiling.

“He pressed and you fought back,” Kakashi stated simply. “Not even the Hokage’s going to bat an eye on that Iruka, hell, I’d wager she’d laugh at him.”

Iruka glared back at Kakashi. “Don’t. He’s already going to be the warpath with me, I don’t need the Hokage inadvertently making things worse.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Positive.” Iruka sank back into Kakashi’s hold, muttering against the man’s collar bone. “I have the next two days off and I’m going to need every second of them.”

Kakashi snickered. “Finished that scroll huh?”

“No,” Iruka stated in a simple manner. “And it can burn for all I care, I’m off duty.”

Kakashi smiled as he reached up to pull the hair tie out of Iruka’s hair, combing his fingers through the brunette locks and earning a small groan of appreciation from the Jounin. “So, I was thinking about what we could do with these wonderful two days together.”

“Hmm?” Iruka sighed as he relished the calming touch that the man was giving him.

“And I totally think that-”

Kakashi droned on for a while, never receiving much more than a few hums and odd noises of approval and negativity. Iruka slowly stopped responding to him, the Jounin’s arms which had wrapped around him as to cling to Kakashi had gone lax while Kakashi continued playing with the man’s hair. Smiling to himself, Kakashi whispered. “I know you don’t really get this, but he’s probably freaking out more than you are right now. Ibiki’s smart, ya know? He knows that there is a distinct likelihood of five Anbu coming to rip him a new one.” Kakashi kissed the side of the sleeping man’s head. “I’m glad that you’re staying where you are.” He admitted to himself more than to Iruka. “I like you right where you are.”

***********

“Are you sure?”

Iruka glared at Kakashi. “I’m sure.”

“But it might-”

“It wouldn’t.” The man’s voice had a finality to it.

Kakashi ignored that fact and continued. “I’m pretty sure it would be useful.”

Iruka sighed, giving his lover a weary look. “Knowing how to curse at Ibiki in a foreign language would help your missions?”

Kakashi nodded.

“He’d know you were saying something bad.” Iruka droned on. “And then rather than knowing what it was, you were saying he’d assume the worst.” Iruka tried to rationalize with the man, adding. "Besides, knowing you, you'd want more than just simple curse words."

"Like the sea slug." Kakashi grinned ferally, Iruka had told him all about that little one-liner and all while blushing too. 

Iruka flushed, he never should have told him that. "See this is what I mean." Iruka waved a hand at Kakashi. "If I teach you any of this it will just be used against Ibiki-"

Kakashi shrugged. “I’m okay with that, now please?” The Anbu begged, he had a captain meeting in just a few minutes, the first real chance to speak with Ibiki. Kakashi wanted to make sure he was prepared.

“No.” Iruka shook his head even as he turned around to continue gathering some supplies that he’d brought home for some of the latest scrolls. He had to return to work tomorrow and as much as he worried about seeing Ibiki, Iruka wanted to make sure the man couldn’t call him out on slacking off as opposed to breaking his nose. Iruka wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of being one up on him. Iruka huffed when warm arms came around him, a heavy weight settling against his back. “Kakashi.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not telling you how to curse at Ibiki in another language.” Iruka frowned when he felt Kakashi nod against him. “I know you’re not hugging me cause you love me.” He droned.

“But I do love you.”

Sighing, Iruka muttered. “And I love you but I’m also not stupid.” He felt the man laugh, Iruka nodded, figures. “Get off, let me finish this...You should go prepare for that meeting.” Iruka twisted about when Kakashi pulled back and gave a weary sigh.

“You want me to be prepared for this? It’s boring and I swear that last time Gecko fell asleep under his mask.”

Iruka smiled at his lover's assumptions of the other Anbu captains. “Well, try not to be like Gecko. Stay awake and at least...Try to be nice.”

Kakashi snorted. “No promises.” He leaned down to give Iruka a quick peck on the lips before disappearing.

Iruka sighed, stared at the empty space that Kakashi had just occupied and then uttered aloud. “I’m going to get fired or put in jail by the time he gets back.” Shaking his head in a resigned fashion, Iruka continued packing up his supplies. Might as well wait to see how things went. 

********

Kakashi had been nice, he’d stayed awake, alert and participated in the meeting. Given the glare he was receiving from Ibiki and the stout avoidance the other captains were issuing his way, Kakashi believed that they all thought otherwise. He shrugged to Ibiki as if he didn’t see the problem.

“Dismissed.” The coldness in the man’s voice had the other Anbu captains disappearing in an instant. He glared back at Kakashi who sat back in his chair, smiling back at him and he knew, knew that Kakashi was smiling. “I said dismissed.”

Kakashi snorted. “Please, you were just giving the others a way out. We both know what this is about right?” He waved a hand nonchalantly towards Ibiki and the nice shiner spanning across the bridge of his nose which had been taped. “Nice look by the way.”

“Get out.”

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi uttered a quick. “You should have known better, and I mean not just in the whole going behind my back thing...Though I’m sure we both know how stupid that was. But really, did you think that you could just pressure Iruka into it? Even on the off chance that he caved, did you think I would let him do that?”

Ibiki smirked, no trace of pain on his face from how he crinkled his nose at the man's statement. “You’re his keeper now? Make all his decisions-”

“I’m his medical advocate and that includes mental health.”

Ibiki glared at the simple-minded reply. “Funny.”

“It is, but oddly still truthful. Iruka’s not interested in being Anbu Ibiki, and I’m guessing you knew this so why push so hard? Made a bet with someone?”

“He’d be good as an Anbu, invaluable really.”

The seasoned Anbu huffed, he’d heard this spiel before. “And?” Kakashi waved his hand, waiting for the man to actually get down to it.

“He’s being wasted in Jounin, with his skills and knowledge-”

“Iruka’s happy,” Kakashi interjected. “And I’m happy that he’s happy which means that I don’t care if you’re not happy.” Then because it needed to be said again, Kakashi added. “He’s not going to be Anbu, no matter how you ask, pressure, or plead with him. Iruka deserves to make this choice for himself, he does good work for you doesn’t he?”

Ibiki’s hostile glare didn’t lessen despite the man nodding. “Yes, one of the best.”

“So why are you so eager to send him away from the village and leave all the fancy writings to your little peons? Why not keep the expert safe at home and let some other rookies go guns blazing?”

Ibiki shook his head. “He’s skilled.”

“So are half a dozen other people who you’ve been stalking.” Kakashi cut in before sharply pointing at the man. “Don’t lie, it’s stalking...Worse when you use us to do it.” He muttered.

Ibiki chuckled. “You’re recruiting comrades.”

“Tell that to Falcon when he got that free show from his mark,” Kakashi uttered in amusement. “I don’t think he’s gonna get that image out of his head for a while.”

Ibiki shrugged, he didn’t care one way or the other. “Fine, say that I back off, let Iruka-”

“You’re not letting him do anything, he’s not taking the test because he doesn’t want to be Anbu,” Kakashi interjected sharply when Ibiki wasn’t prepared to let things go. “You can’t force him in this, the Hokage won’t allow it, not with Iruka.” That they both knew, not with Iruka’s past behaviors towards governing officials making demands of him. The Hokage was well aware of how he’d reacted after his bout of torture, how stressed he’d been at being forced to take the Jounin exam. Kakashi wasn’t going to see the man start to self destruct again because of Ibiki, he wouldn’t. 

Ibiki gave a brisk nod, Kakashi had a point even if he didn’t wish to admit it. “Fine.” Ibiki snapped. “But I want him trained in something else.”

Kakashi sighed, why did Ibiki think this was some kind of negotiation? This wasn’t a hostage situation, it was Iruka’s choice not that the bastard in front of him cared. “What?”

“Missive codes...If you’re so apt to keep him on desk duty he might as well have a versatile nature to pull on when needed.”

Kakashi blinked a few times, surprised by the offer. “You want him to be able to send missives...Anbu missives.”

“What?” Ibiki smirked cruelly. “Don’t you trust him.”

Kakashi flipped the man off, not even entertaining the idea of answering the man's taunt in any other fashion. “That’s a large step up don’t you think?”

“Not considering the other work he’s done,” Ibiki replied all while ignoring the man’s response to his teasing. “This would just make him more useful all around.”

Kakashi wasn’t going to argue that point, it was true. “Talk to him, it’s up to him.” Kakashi stood by that, he wasn’t making a decision like this for Iruka.

“I will.” Ibiki intoned with a smirk.

Kakashi snorted as he got up. “If I hear the words demand, threatened, or some combination of I have too, I’ll be coming to speak with you.” The Anbu promised. “It’s his choice.” Turning to leave, Kakashi stilled when Ibiki called out to him.

“I’m his commanding officer, if you want him benched then he has to make it worth my while to keep him around.”

Kakashi glared at the door that was just before him, they both knew that was a bold faced lie. Ibiki himself had stated how valuable Iruka was to them, twisting a hair to glare at the man Kakashi stated loud enough for the man to hear.

“Iruka was right...A sea slug is too good for you.” The man disappeared leaving a perplexed Ibiki behind.

“Sea slug?”

********

Iruka laughed as he was pulled back into a firm warm body. “Nice to see you’re back, how’d the meeting go?”

“You should always be on guard.” Kakashi chastised the man. “I could have been a burglar.”

Iruka snorted, twisting about to face the man. “A burglar? Really Kakashi?”

The Anbu shrugged. “It’s possible.”

Shaking his head at the actions of the man, Iruka dared to question. “How was your meeting?”

“I’m 90% sure that Gecko fell asleep.”

Iruka smiled. “I meant-”

“I know,” Kakashi assured him, he sighed as he set his hands on either side of Iruka’s shoulders. Staring him down firmly. “I may have implied something that could have lasting effects.”

Iruka groaned, hanging his head. “What did you do?”

“I mentioned the sea slug.”

Iruka tensed, looking up in fright. “No.” He gasped.

“I didn’t explain,” Kakashi assured the man with a smile after having had his fun. “I just said that it was too good for him.”

Iruka smiled, snickered, and then laughed. “Y-You did that?” He laughed.

Kakashi smiled, pleased to know that he’d lightened the mood. “Yes, yes I did, Oh, and Ibiki’s going to let the whole Anbu thing drop,” Kakashi stated as he leaned forward gave the stunned man a quick peck on the lips and turned to leave.

“W-Wait? He’s just dropping it like that?” Iruka frowned, that couldn’t be right, Ibiki didn’t give up that easily. It was one of the many reasons that Iruka hated him, there was no way- “What did you do?” He seethed.

Kakashi gave him a betrayed look because it hurt to know that Iruka had such little faith in him and also, he was kinda right since he’d aggravated Ibiki. “I did nothing but state the truth, that you were happy where you were, a Jounin. That you wouldn’t be taking the test and that it was final.”

Iruka tilted his head, not buying it. “And?”

Kakashi gave a small shrug. “That’s really all I said.” Turning to go down the hallway he gave a small cough. “ _ You might be getting some new training though _ .” He cleared his throat as he went.

Iruka scowled, already well aware that the man’s ‘cough’ wasn’t all there. “Kakashi.” The man hummed even as he rounded the hallway and continued down it. “Kakashi! What did you just say?!”

“Sorry love, can’t hear you!”

“Son of a bitch.” Iruka went chasing after the man, he knew whatever it was that Kakashi had just said was bad and would have lasting effects on him. “Kakashi what happened?-Get your ass back in here, you don’t get to bail out the window to avoid this! What did you do?!”


End file.
